As we welcome the Thanksgiving season, a moment of reflection may reveal unsettling truths.

Every year, the time focused on thanks and gratitude seems to get shorter.

The world moves on to Black Friday, which has been creeping into the day itself, or Cyber Monday, which has claimed the weekend. We are also more distracted and divided than ever.

West Virginia and Appalachia have had unique challenges, experiencing high rates of what are called diseases of despair. Loss of economic opportunity, substance use, and the worsening of medical conditions. All of these can impact families.

For these reasons, I believe daily healing practices of gratitude are more important now than ever before.

Through my role in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, I have grown to know the children and families going through these hard times.

In the darkest of darks, the brightest brights often show.

Parents, family members, and mentors have an opportunity to help a child grow in gratitude. This will set a foundation that lasts a lifetime to help secure their future.

So, take a moment and reflect: how do you currently show your gratitude to others in life? To yourself? How do you know your gratitude is received?

I often hear parents describe their role as a “thankless job.”

I do think both parents and children feel and show gratitude to each other; it is just they are using different ways to communicate.

Psychology theory can help decode the different styles of communication.

A critical stage of development is called “industry vs inferiority.” From about ages six to 12, a child has the goal of being good at things or “mastery.” This very well may be why this age group emphasizes the importance of having the newest fashion item, the best trading cards, or collecting the most merit badges.

Since youth in this stage are still learning skills themselves, they benefit from a parent showing them how to find gratitude in others. Progressing from this stage with a sense of success results in having a strong sense of self-worth and preparedness for the challenges that await through life.

For example, you may tell your child “Good job getting all A’s and B’s!”

While this is showing gratitude, the praise emphasizes the result rather than the child’s effort. A child may question if they did well due to their skills or may even feel they don’t have to try as hard the next semester since they “already got the ‘school’ merit badge.”

A different example is practicing deep gratitude as part of a growth mindset and saying something like, “You spent an hour every day working hard on your homework and were rewarded with good grades. I’m proud of the hard work you put in to do this.”

In this example, the child will see schoolwork less like a game they just have to finish and put on the shelf but rather feel they “leveled up” and can now build even greater things over time. They have grown with gratitude.

Since we know children model the adults around them, they will start to show deep gratitude to others, including peers and parents. This increases their network of social support, who will then give them gratitude back and increase their esteem further. These networks and the skills to create them are vital throughout life.

The power of this technique is that it extends beyond homework.

Leaders use gratitude, listening, and empathy to grow the strengths of their team members. Businesses that adopt these principles benefit from stronger relationships and loyalty. Failures are seen as an essential part of growth rather than something to be avoided at all costs.

In the age of social media where typically only “our best selves” are shared, comfort and, yes, even gratitude in failure are ever-important skills. I think we can all recall events we are grateful happened in youth rather than adulthood.

I hope this Thanksgiving season you practice deep gratitude in yourself and others. Embrace gratitude for the lessons you have learned over time. By showing gratitude today, you have the opportunity of brightening a child’s life and modeling leadership skills. You can provide the tools to create supportive networks and instill the confidence to take on any challenge. That’s something to be grateful for!